It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
