I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
