idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
