i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
