What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
