Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
