he wants to bone in the snuggie
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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