nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
