come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize