38 yer olds are good kisserssss
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
