i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
