Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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