It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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