my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
