Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
