i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize