Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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