I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
