I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
