Can i not drive my cunt home
I just threw up on my dentist
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
