She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
