Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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