Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
