Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
