i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize