the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
