There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My vagina is very pro this idea
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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