i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
