apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
