Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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