If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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