Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
