i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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