bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
false alarm. still invincible.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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