It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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