Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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