I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
