Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
