i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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