Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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