The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
