I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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