I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
