in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
