You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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