i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
