He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
