he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
