i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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