I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
