she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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