I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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