Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Randomize
