You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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