It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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