Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
