There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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