I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
