I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
