Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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