When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
