hotel room ftw
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
