Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
