my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
