yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
