Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
