matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
